How to Uncouple effectively through couples therapy:
Couples therapy is not only helpful to help maintain relationships. Sometimes couples therapy is most helpful when a married couple is in the process of separating and would like to do so in a way that is healthy. This article will discuss how couples therapy can help with uncoupling.
1.) Going through divorce when children are involved:
Maybe you have already started the process of divorce and are wondering how you can co-parent in a way that is healthy. Couples therapy is a great place to talk about how you are feeling and use a third person to mediate the situation and help give guidance. The transition from married life to separation can also bring up emotions for parents that can be processed in a therapy environment. Having therapy sessions to help parents separate may help to create less stress on children and the family in general. Couples therapy can help give hope that separation can occur while maintaining respect and effective boundaries.
2.) Detaching with respect and care:
Couples therapy can help you and your partner process what it is like to detach from one another. Maybe you have been with your partner for many years and it's unfamiliar territory to know what life would be like without them there. Relationships provide financial stability and going through a divorce has the potential to create uncertainty over finances. Couples therapy can help each partner to feel more confident in themselves and in their ability to go through the decision, if it is the healthiest decision for both partners. It can be nice to go to therapy to help collaborate on what closure would look like for both parties.
3.) Learning how to increase and maintain healthy communication:
It could be that you felt like you had poor communication with your partner and due to the misunderstandings and miscommunications it was best that you separated. If you both have ties to each other with children involved it is crucial that you aren't putting your children in the middle. It is not appropriate for children to pick sides or mediate conflicts with their divorced parents. Working on learning better communication styles can help to minimize that impact on children. Therapy can help identify and disrupt the unhealthy and ineffective communication patterns that are happening as well.
4.) Space to work through hard emotions while also increasing hope for future:
The space of therapy is unique. Therapy can help you feel and grieve the relationship lost in a way in which you may not be able to be alone. Therapists provide a safe, nonjudgmental, and validating space to help you feel less lonely in the process of divorcing. Therapists can also help connect you and your partner to resources that can help with grieving the relationship. Both individuals in the relationship however should both be open to both healing for couples therapy to be effective.
When would couples therapy not be recommended or not effective in uncoupling?
It is unethical for couples therapists to see couples where there is active abuse happening. If you are in a relationship where this is occurring, seeking out individual therapy is highly recommended to help. Your therapist can help connect you to resources that you may need. If you or someone you love is in an abusive situation you can contact the Domestic Violence hotline: 800.799.SAFE (7233) to call or text “Start” to the number 88788.
Couples therapy is not effective when only one individual in the relationship is wanting to see change. Both individuals in the relationship should take accountability for their actions to see change.