Is Codependency Crippling Your Relationship? How to Know

Starting at a young age, it is natural to have dependent relationships. From the time we are born, we depend on our parents or caregivers to provide for our basic needs.

Being dependent on others, in itself, is not a bad thing. It sustains us when times get too hard or there is too much for us to handle at one time.

While dependency is a natural part of life, at some point, it can become unhealthy. For most, the term co-dependency is one that is related more to addiction or substance use. However, the idea of co-dependency can be applied when talking about relationships, as well.

When it comes to relationships, dependency on one another is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be a sign of a healthy relationship. For this to be true, both partners must be equal in the give and take of maintaining it. If this becomes off balance, the signs of toxicity in a relationship become apparent and co-dependency can emerge.

Co-dependency can have a detrimental effect on your relationships. Here is how to know if co-dependency is affecting your relationship.

One Partner's Happiness Is Always Put First

Does it seem as if happiness in a relationship only occurs at the expense of one partner? Are one of you always trying to do anything they can to make the other happy? While the other partner makes no sacrifice at all?

This is one of the first signs of a toxic relationship that is co-dependent. Taking care of others and putting their wants and needs above your own is a tell-tale sign of co-dependency. When this is occurring, you may notice that your partner does not seem to want to make sacrifices to make things better for the both of you. Instead, it is only about what they want or need.

Identity Issues

Are you not sure of who you are outside of the relationship anymore? Does it seem as if your individuality and personality has become lost? These are classic signs of a co-dependent relationship.

Once you lose sight of who you are, it can add to significant dissatisfaction, conflict, and tension in the relationship. After all, who you were when you first came together is likely what made the dynamic between you so strong.

Needing Help With Every Decision

Some people naturally are indecisive and sometimes need to be pushed along. There's nothing wrong with that, in itself. However, does it seem as if no decisions can be made without your partner or vice versa? While there are undoubtedly decisions that you must make as a couple, sometimes, this can gets stretched out too far.

At the end of the day, you should have confidence and trust in the decisions that you make. While it is perfectly normal to share and consult each other for advice,  you should still trust yourself.

If you are finding that no decision can be made without seeking your partner's input, it may be time to re-evaluate what is happening in your relationship.

How Can You Overcome Codependency?

If any of this seems familiar, it may be time to take a step back. Reevaluate your relationship. This isn't easy and can feel intimidating if you realize that your relationship has become codependent.

One of the best ways forward to break unhelpful cycles and repair your relationship? Work back to a healthy level of dependency through counseling. Codependency counseling can help you see the patterns that contribute to this unproductive and harmful aspect of your relationship.

If you are ready to begin, read more about couples counseling and reach out to us for a consultation through our contact page.