Couples Therapy- Important Considerations

So you and your partner have been together for some time now. There may have been ups and downs in the relationship, and you may be asking when it might be ready to move forward to the next step in your lives together. Marriage is a big commitment and deep questions should be asked in order to better understand where you and your partner are coming from and want. This article will talk about some potential questions to consider and ask before entering a marriage commitment. This list is not exhaustive and if you have more questions, couples premarital counseling might be a good idea for you and your partner. This article is also not a replacement for couples counseling. Reach out to us at Inward Counseling to get started with couples therapy if you feel like this article speaks to you.  

1.)  What are your goals in life? What are you working towards?

This question might seem general but it can tell alot about a person. This question is also bound to open the door up for more questions. If you both have similar goals in life and see your paths growing and developing together then that is great. If there is a mismatch between your goals and theirs then that is something to explore more into. This also will give you an idea if your partner is ambitious and has things that they want to accomplish in the future.  

2.)  What does marriage mean to you? What are your hopes and expectations?

The commitment of marriage is going to look different depending on the couple. On paper, marriage is more well defined but there are a lot of layers to what someone believes marriage is. Marriage is going to look different between cultures and religions. It is important to have an understanding of the hopes and expectations that your partner is coming in with for marriage and seeing if that is something that is in alignment with what you are also wanting or needing.

3.)  What is the relationship like with your family? How do you see a marriage having impacts on that?

Marriage changes more than just two people’s lives. The transition to married life is going to have ripple effects that extend to outside families. It is punitive that you and your partner are on similar terms with how you will handle relationships outside of the marriage. You will get a better understanding and idea of the boundaries or lack of boundaries that you and your partner have with them. Family dynamics can bring up more conflicts if you are not on similar pages.

4.)  How do you destress at the end of a long day? What do you have in place to relax?

This one might be known already before committing to marriage but also maybe not. This one will be a measure of if and how your partner self-soothes and how they decompress. If there is not an outlet that your partner engages in to release anxiety or stress that could potentially create riffs in the marriage. If you or your partner need help with this then getting individual counseling could be of benefit so that coping skills can be developed and practiced. If mental health problems go unaddressed they could definitely have negative impacts on the relationship and marriage. Sometimes couples may go into couples therapy to then need individuals first or simultaneously in conjunction with couples therapy sessions. That doesn't mean that couples therapy isn't helpful, but couples therapy focuses on the couple as a whole rather than focusing on one individual. To get deeper personal work done individual therapy may be best.