Behaviors In Response To Conflict That Might Be Harming Your Relationship And What You Can Do About It

It is normal to experience hardships and struggles in every relationship.

What matters is the approaches that are taken in the relationship when these matters come up. Could some behaviors that you and your partner are engaging in be harming your relationship more than it is helping? What can you do to help reverse this? Below is a list of behaviors that couples may engage in that harms their relationship. The following is information from John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen.”

1.) Criticizing one another in the form of verbally insulting:

Sometimes when in the heat of an argument with your partner you may find it harder to not get upset and say something that you don’t really mean to say. If and when you do find yourself in an argument with your partner, it is best to talk about your feelings using “I” statements to express your point of view. Using “I” statements can help to diffuse the situation.

2.) Handling disputes with your partner with disrespect in the form of sarcasm, name calling, or ridiculing them:

Individuals can get into the habit of handling conflict with sarcasm or name-calling as a way of coping with the situation that they are in. However, reinforcing those behaviors are harmful to the relationship. Instead it is more effective to practice a positive perspective of your partner. You can do this through expressing gratitude, appreciation, and affection. The more positive feelings you cultivate in your relationship will help to reduce feelings of contempt.

3.) Handling conflicts with becoming defensive:

Most individuals that have been in a relationship may become defensive from time to time when in conflicts. Defensiveness comes in when we feel like we are victims of a conflict or feel like we have been unjustly blamed for something during the conflict. When you find yourself feeling defensive during an argument try to take your partners point of view into perspective. Inserting blame on to your partner will not work to resolve the conflict that you are in. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict and understand where your partner may be coming from.

4.) Ignoring your partner in the form of stonewalling during an argument:

Have you ever just left your partner in the middle of an argument? Been upset with your partner and decided that you wouldn’t speak to them for a few hours or for a day? These are examples of stonewalling. It’s appropriate to say that you need a break for a small amount of time to calm down before engaging in a conversation. But completely refusing to talk to your partner and them not knowing why would be considered stonewalling. Stonewalling happens as a result of an individual feeling flooded emotionally. Instead of stonewalling, communicate with your partner that you need 20 minutes or so by yourself before you can continue to work through the conflict or argument. Taking a break may also avoid one of the other four horsemen’s from ensuing and creating more conflicts.

As a reminder...

Be kind to yourself if you or your partner have experienced any of the above behaviors listed. Find ways that you can engage in starting to repair and heal your relationship. Here at Inward Counseling we understand that conflicts come up in all relationships. We have therapists that can help you process through these conflicts. We see individuals, couples, and families. Reach out to us if you are interested in counseling services with us to start feeling hopeful about your relationship again.

Are You Ready to Start Couples Counseling in Charlotte, Charlotte, NC?

Are you interested in learning more about Couples counseling for your marriage? Here at Inward Counseling, we have therapists that can assist you with getting started on the path to learning the skills to strengthen your marriage on the foundation of your Christian faith. Request a free, 15-minute consultation or call us at 704-255-5114. Learn more about your nurturing and protective Christian therapist.

Other Services Offered At Inward Counseling

At Inward Counseling, we offer online therapy. We can also accommodate in-person services at our Charlotte, NC, or Pineville, NC therapy-based office. We have a variety of techniques we use to support your healing! We also offer anxiety therapy, depression therapy, trauma therapy, and couples therapy. Feel free to explore our blogs for great reads and tips for managing life’s challenges.