Defining Relationship Cycling and Tips to Help

Relationship cycling occurs when a couple tends to consistently be in a pattern of “on again” and “off again.” It can be normal for a couple to break up at some point and then find a way back together again. But when couples tend to have this happen multiple times and it then becomes a part of a routine or pattern experienced in the relationship that is when it can be defined as a relationship cycle. This article will talk more about this phenomenon and give some potentially helpful tips to those that are finding themselves in this cycle. If you are interested in learning more and wanting therapy services for yourself or your partner, reach out to us. Here at Inward Counseling we see individuals and couples that are looking for positive change in their lives and relationships.

1.)  Why does relationship cycling happen? What does data show about it?

Relationship cycling could develop from multiple different factors. Some couples get into the cycle of breaking up and getting back together due to other commitments that they have created together. Couples that have created lives together but have different definitions of how they want to commit to one another might find themselves more in a gridlock. This gridlock can create conflict that is not resolved between the couple. Not having answers or a clear direction of how to resolve the conflict can create emotional distress in the couple that can lead them to breaking up. After initially breaking up the couple recognizes that they live together, share finances, or don’t want to be single again out of fear. The commitments that they have made with one another can bring them back together. But underlying issues that caused them to break up dont get addressed and/or resolved which can perpetuate the cycle. Over time the couple might decide to break up because they are tired of not getting what they want from the relationship. Or the couple becomes compliant and resentful of one another and ends up staying together. Data shows that couples that are in this cycle of breaking up and getting back together will have more distress in their relationship overtime as the cycle continues. This can be due to the consistent rollercoaster-like transitions happening in the relationship.

2.)  What can help break the cycle? What are some tips?

Maybe now you identify that you and your partner are stuck in this loop and are looking to break free. It is honorable that you are willing to work on yourself and your relationship. The first step to changing your cycle is to have awareness of it and what is happening to keep it continuing. Consider having an upfront and honest conversation with your partner as to the conflicts that are coming up that continue the cycle. Are you both triggering one another with reactions to conflicts as they come up? Are you both willing to work on the relationship and start making positive changes? If you are both able to explore these questions with your partner you may be able to start couples counseling as well. Couples therapists can help couples identify if their relationship is something that can be worked on and see if patterns can change.  Couples counseling may also be a place where the couple can uncouple in a healthy way if there are fears attached to breaking up with one another.  If there is not a willingness on both sides to make changes in the relationship, maybe individual counseling sessions would be beneficial in deciding how to best move forward. Either way, staying in a place of uncertainty is not fair to either partner.

If you are ready to break free from unhealthy patterns in your life and relationship please reach out to us to see if we can be of guidance and service to help you. Remember you are not alone in the struggles you face and are brave for reaching out and asking for help. We look forward to hearing from you.  

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