Couples Therapy- Stress with Extended Family and What Can Help
When you had begun your relationship with your partner you started to get to know their inner world. You learn about what they like, dislike, and more about what makes them who they are. It can be a fun time getting to know each other better and to grow on your relationship together. However, when we learn about inner worlds we also learn more about family and those dynamics. You might learn that it can be difficult to maintain a good relationship with your partner when there are struggles going on between both of your families. This article will talk about helping to better challenges and conflicts in matters of family and the dynamics associated with it.
Thanksgiving and other Holiday Stressors:
Do you find yourself dreading the holidays because it feels overwhelming? The planning, making sure that everyone is on the same page, and preparing for potential discomfort at the thought of being around certain people. Maybe you feel like you are not able to get on the same page as your partner when it comes to this type of planning. You want to make sure that everyone is happy about the plans so that there is less tension around.
The reality is, when we are so focused on other people around us and their own happiness for the holidays we can completely neglect what would work best for us. It will make us more miserable to accommodate everyone else without thinking about ourselves. You are important and matter just as much as other members of the family. You are also your own family unit aside from extended family with your partner. You can decide how you would like to spend holidays as well whether that includes extended family. If you want to still be with family, that is okay too but it's important that you are able to maintain your own self respect as a result of doing so. We are only in control of our own actions, not the actions of others around us. We can decide how we will react to conversations and actions that happen around us during get togethers. It’s best to plan around what to expect with your partner and decide together how you would like to handle situations that make either or both of you uncomfortable. It's important to remain nonjudgmental in conversations with your partner surrounding this.
Parenting with your Partner:
Extended family conflicts can also happen when you and your partner have expanded your family to include children. Extended families might have different opinions about what is “best” about raising a child. Pressures might be put on you as a parent and the way in which you parent your children. Even the most well intentioned family can step over boundaries in order to get their view on such matters. The best thing that you and your partner can do for these situations is to be direct and clear when a family member has overstepped. The sooner that you are able to point out these things the better. It might feel uncomfortable and that is okay, it is better that you are able to have boundaries in place for the sake of you and your children. You can set boundaries in a way that is respectful of your extended family while also being firm. If you and your partner are in disagreement on the role in which you would like extended family to play, then further conversation is needed to understand points of view.
Did anything in this article resonate with you and your situation? If so, here at Inward Counseling we would love to be able to assist you and help you further with these things. Our counselors are trained in conducting couples therapy and would be happy to help you. Reach out to us to get started!